Apparently Sombody’s Listening Skills Need Work


Bob and I broke up. It was amicable – not his fault. It’s me. I just cannot seem to find my voice. But I certainly hear my mother’s voice saying, “you just never stick with anything.” I never seem to have trouble hearing that voice.

So over dinner recently, I mentioned my lack of focus to my BFF Lynn.

“I hate the characters. I don’t care about their problems. I want to put all their whiny asses on a bus and drive them off a cliff.”

“Listen. You know that story you just told about Karen Jones trying to cheat her employer? It was hilarious. That’s your book. Your twisted view on the mundane – that’s your voice,” she said. Swirling the wine in her glass, she waited for a response. I pondered the Cabernet in my own glass.

“Hmm. Maybe. I don’t think I’m funny.”

“Funny? You’re not funny. I said you have a twisted view on the mundane. You’re twisted.”

“I know I am twisted. You said I was hilarious.”

“I said your story was hilarious, not you. Sheesh. No wonder you can’t find your voice. You’re not listening.” Lynn smirked as she sipped her wine.

“Now you sound like my mother, so you are right, I am not listening. Screw you and her.” My inner five-year old was now fully engaged.

“I’m just saying, you can write down these stories you tell me. Like the current fiasco with Jenny!” Lynn is animated now, because she doesn’t like Jenny and Jenny got herself in a lot of Trouble With The Law. Lynn loves a good Karma Train wreck. Now her five-year old is fully engaged. And this is why we are BFFs.

“Nope. No Jenny stories. That could jeopardize my health insurance.”

“Ok. Well, stories about the last job would be good. Too late for them to fire you.”

“Hmm. Maybe. I might write about my job at the Firm. That boss went to prison and it is all public record, so he can’t sue me for defamation or libel. Of course, I’ll change the names to protect the guilty. I’ve got plenty of twisted spins on that slice of life.” Things were looking up.

By the time dessert and coffee arrived, a whole new set of voices chattered inside my head. At least for today, I have found several new voices. And they think I’m plenty funny.

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