Wrong on So Many Levels

This is a public service message, so you do not confuse “good” wild, as in “wild salmon,” with “inferior” wild, as in “wild tarantulas.”

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These things are for sale all over the world. People pay money for them. They have a “shelf life” of one year. Good to know, because I do not want canned tarantula going bad in my pantry.

These Tarantulas are sourced from Tarantula breeders in Cambodia, they are not taken from the wild like the Tarantulas found at local markets.

So many questions. Are wild tarantulas inferior? Tainted? Is it a big social faux pas if I serve wild, rather than “bred” tarantulas?

What about this “breeding”? Is it regulated, like an arachnid version of the FDA? Are they fed only organic, farm raised insects? Because I am not sure I want my not-wild tarantulas fed wild insects.

Wild tarantulas are available at the local market? Are they already canned, or do I have to can them myself? I am not seeing this as a DIY project.

The Tarantula is ready to eat, you can eat every part.

I should hope so, at $16 each. Based upon the stated weight (about .35 ounces) that works out to $727 a pound. I do not want to see any leftover legs or eyes on that plate. And no fighting over that fat, squishy mid-section.

The correct drink with these little treats is (what else?) tarantula-infused vodka, also for sale, but currently sold out. Probably because you need two or three bottles of vodka for every one canned not-wild tarantula you eat. That tends to run up the liquor bill.

Just how many people will one tarantula serve? I’ll tell you how many, at my house.

NONE.

Because only people crazier than me and my friends eat these things.

Says Coe, “there are people crazier than you and your friends?”

Duh. Clearly. Have you ever seen me eating tarantula? No, and you never will, no matter how much crazier I get.

Also, there is a law that says no wine can be served with tarantula, wild or otherwise. I do not want any trouble with the Wine Authorities.

And this is what comes of being on Twitter. Need I say more?

You’re welcome.

This entry was posted in Arachnophobia, I Am Not Making This Up, Just Kill Me Now, People Crazier than Me. Bookmark the permalink.

4 Responses to Wrong on So Many Levels

  1. Cookie Lodge says:

    Oh dear, I have two cans of tarantulas being FedExed to you for your birthday! Never fear, just take them to work and put them in the break room fridge; and someone will help themselves (thinking they gotten away with a gourmet treat). Not to be a know it all but it is perfectly legal to drink wine with tarantulas in the State of Illinois.